The Domestic Abuse Diaries – The Honey Moon

“He’s going to think you’re a slag now, I hope you realise that!”

My husband marched alongside me pulling his suitcase behind him, his face red and angry. Any joy we’d experienced on the flight had disappeared. 

“You can’t shake people’s hands” he whispered angrily. 

“I’m sorry…I didn’t think it was a problem” I replied, sad that we’d only just landed in Turkey and this was how we were starting off our belated honeymoon. 

I’d innocently shaken our taxi driver’s hand at the arrivals gate. I couldn’t understand my husband’s anger though. The taxi driver was an elderly man and, in my eyes, I was just being polite. 

It didn’t make sense from a religious stance either, because I’d seen my husband kiss his non-Muslim female friends on both cheeks before, right in front of me – so why was it a problem that I was shaking his hand…?

My confusion soon turned to sadness…and for most of our three-hour drive to the private villa we’d rented, I was given the silent treatment, again. His way of making sure I learned my lesson. I cried quietly in the back of the car, hoping the driver wouldn’t see. We must have looked like such a miserable couple… 

Eventually he took my hand in his and caressed my shoulders. He’d calmed down and was back to normal. Maybe now the honeymoon could actually start…

 

Fast forward a week and we were back at the airport, en route to Istanbul. And I was back to experiencing the silent treatment…

This time I’d replied to something he’d said, in an ‘unacceptably’ sarcastic tone. The words ‘yeah, ok’ were deemed offensive enough to turn his face dark, and for him to ignore me until we landed.

Once in Istanbul we headed straight to the Blue Mosque for the Friday prayer. We agreed to meet back outside the mosque’s main, shared entrance, took off our shoes and headed inside. 

Once the prayer was over, I followed the women back towards the entrance. As we walked out, I saw my husband waiting and headed straight towards him. As I got closer, I knew something was wrong…

“Why are you walking alongside all those men?” he barked at me angrily. I didn’t even realise I had been, but explained I was just using the same exit as everyone else. 

Not satisfied with my answer, he marched off furiously back down the hill towards our hotel. I followed, but eventually gave up trying to keep up with his angry pace and trailed a few metres behind. This was another ‘mistake’ and back at the hotel, I was chastised for not being the ‘good wife’ that would have chased after him. As I sat on the bed he continued to shout about my unacceptable behaviour. A tug of war ensued as he packed up his suitcase and tried to leave. The sight of other guests in the hallway seemed to calm him down however and he retreated back inside.

Emotionally exhausted, we both lay down. He slept whilst I thought about how different this was to the holiday I’d planned. 

Once he awoke, he took my hand and caressed my shoulders. He was no longer talking about leaving. 

We went for a walk and in an attempt for some normality, he took photos in Taksim Square. The photos show a couple smiling…but up close, my red, puffy eyes show nothing but sadness. 

I was learning the hard way, that I would need to tip toe around his angry outbursts a lot more carefully than I had been so far.

Ptissem Abourachid
ptissem

Ptissem is a writer and an Inside-Out Relationship Coach, helping women in unhappy marriages, step up and make the changes that will allow them to lead happier and more fulfilling lives. www.ptissem.com Access her free online relationship webinar: https://www.ptissem.com/gift Facebook: @PtissemCoach Instagram: @ptissem.abourachid

24 Comments
  1. Ruksaar

    December 13, 2018 8:15 pm

    Beautifully written as always Ptissem! I will eagerly be waiting for the next article!

  2. Khadija

    December 13, 2018 9:27 pm

    Men are trash

  3. Fara

    December 13, 2018 9:37 pm

    Where was the ending to this ?? Also I think not a lot of women would shake a random mans hand so maybe it could have started better

    • Rihab

      December 14, 2018 1:34 am

      Well written. If she did do something wrong, there are far more better ways of point it out and discussing corrective behavior than demeaning the person. Kindness and grace leave a stronger more positive mark – he isn’t raising a child (even then this approach doesn’t work)

  4. Sara

    December 13, 2018 9:46 pm

    Sorry that has nothing to do with deen. Your husband has some issues no offense.

  5. Falevdem

    December 13, 2018 9:55 pm

    I can relate to this, because I experienced similar situations with my husband who I left 10 months ago. My honeymoon was a disaster. He accused me of looking at other men, threatened to divorce me and pushed me to the floor. He left me in the hotel room for hours and came back pretending nothing happened. Little did I know that this was just the beginning of a battering relationship of 6 years. These are early warning signs and whoever is going through something similar, my advice will be run and don’t look back! Don’t overlook certain situations and expect them to change. It will only get worse.

  6. Tina

    December 13, 2018 10:18 pm

    Ok ! I got you point , but unfortunately why do we always talk about Muslim men or women or relationships ( related to Islam ?)

    The western world is already full of hate … against the Islam ( men or women ) why ??? Because we give them it with Artikels like that .

    • Michelle

      December 13, 2018 10:57 pm

      This happens in every country, religion, etc. The writer just happens to be muslim. Its meant to bring awareness, not to shine light on something in just the muslim community.

    • Zahia

      December 14, 2018 2:19 am

      Your comment is absurd, it doesn’t matter what the west thinks of Islam, people have hated Muslims since the times of prophet Muhammad (pubs) but that doesn’t mean just because they have an ugly image of us that we keep on hiding the terrible shit people go through in our culture just to present the “ideal” picture of what Islam is. Moreover NO MUSLIM EVER REPRESENTS ISLAM, and individual always represents his own self, this article has nothing to do with Islam but the manipulation of thousands of wives around the world by their husbands no matter the religion.

  7. Azhar Achour

    December 13, 2018 10:22 pm

    You’re an inspiration. You have managed to take something so negative and turn it around into something so positive. To go from being a victim to becoming a hero has been truly amazing to see. Your words are so powerful and you are so strong to be able to share them with the rest of the world. I can’t believe how far you have come on this journey and I’m so proud of you. Keep being amazing. Articles like this are supporting women who are in the same situation by letting them know they are not alone. Hopefully they one day manage to find the strength and skills you learnt to realise they no longer have to suffer. Keep shinning beautiful. X

  8. Safia

    December 13, 2018 10:51 pm

    When is the nest one being posted!?

    I just, wow. I have no words. MashaAllah.

    You don’t know how many women you’ll help through this inshaAllah.
    It was such a great read, and a topic that needs ALOT more attention.

    Props to you and Dina! <3

  9. Nazia

    December 13, 2018 11:04 pm

    This situation exsist’s in alot of culture’s and societies! Please do not just target men,as Women can have this type of atitude toward’s husband’s.There are some men out there who are not happy xxx

  10. Mummy to two little dollys

    December 13, 2018 11:51 pm

    This read is is all too familiar. I experienced similar on my honeymoon with him totally losing his temper at me and making me cry for being annoyed that he’d asked 3 random women (dressed in very revealing clothing) to share our taxi with us in order to apparently save money by splitting the cost. Throughout the honeymoon he would refer to interest in souvenirs and small items of jewellery as tat shopping and wouldn’t even allow me to treat myself to gifts let alone spoiling me himself on what was meant to be a holiday of a lifetime. 11yrs and two kids later, things have only got worse.

  11. Saiema

    December 14, 2018 12:16 am

    Beautiful written.

  12. Nouf

    December 14, 2018 12:24 am

    It’s funny how muslim men allow themselves to get away with the same things they would pick up a fight about if their wives or sisters did ! Like wth ?

  13. Sidra the slayer

    December 14, 2018 2:40 am

    Kill himmm

  14. Elle

    December 14, 2018 4:19 am

    This reminds me of my ex and it gave me serious chills while reading this. The relationship lasted a total of 9 months. 9 months of my life that I will never get back. I had a really good friend, who pulled me out of that emotional abuse, and I owe her my life. Had I stayed, I could not imagine what my life would’ve been like today. If you’re in a situation like this, get out! People show you who they are everyday, believe them. Don’t stick around hoping and wishing that they’ll change. The change starts with you realizing you’re worth far more than that. Love yourself enough to know your worth.

  15. Nafisa

    December 14, 2018 7:26 am

    Amazing. Very eye opening.

  16. S

    December 14, 2018 9:16 am

    Aoa.. domestic violence is a heavy term. It denotes a heavy mixed emotional response to the perpetrator where you quiver by their very sight. There’s no peace in the presence of domestic violence.

    A handshake in the moment with the opposite gender is a misunderstanding from one’s hubby’s part/even one’s own inability to draw the line momentatrily. It’s a fleeting moment and should be called as such.. not be turned into ‘domestic violence’. Suffereferers of DV will consider your post as trivialising their plight.

    And all the same, you have a platform to do much good/benefit many. All the best.

  17. Anon

    December 14, 2018 9:46 am

    This is a peak into my life

  18. Falevdem

    December 14, 2018 10:18 am

    This has nothing to do with Islam ladies. There are load of women from all backgrounds and cultures experiencing the the exact behaviours from their spouse. Go on tube and watch videos of victims talking about how they survived. I believe domestic abuse is triggered by personality disorders esp narcissistic, borderline, etc. I discovered my husband has a combination of all. The abuse got so bad that I ended losing a part of myself. I had to discreetly escape or I was going to end up getting killed by this man. There are number of reasons why us women stay in these toxic relationships; the emotional attachment, financial stability, worried about what the community will say about you, being threatened by the perpetrator and more. I went through it all ladies. I was married for 6 years and took me 6 months to plan my escape. Now I’m free as a bird and living in peace with my 6 year old daughter. If you have children who have have witnessed things, Worse thing you could do is let them think abuse is ok and a way of life. There is support out there no matter what ladies, be strong ?

  19. Rashmeen

    December 14, 2018 11:03 am

    Well written??
    Husbands should put their ego behind…women tries very hard to keep them happy!!!

  20. Ptissem

    December 18, 2018 9:30 am

    Thank you for all the lovely feedback and comments ladies! Can’t wait for you to read the rest of the series insha’Allah. Part 2 will be published this week so keep your eyes peeled! X

  21. furtdsolinopv

    January 2, 2019 8:52 pm

    When I originally commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get several emails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove people from that service? Bless you!

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